Not-So-Relaxing Massage

Yesterday my herniated disk and I decided that a massage would be a good idea. I consulted my favorite book, The Kyiv International Women's Club Survival Guide, to find a masseuse. This book is very specific and very thorough. For example: To buy the best lamb, go to the Vladimirsky market, in the meat section, go to the third stall on the right and ask for Sergei. It's an amazing book. The massage section of the book is a list of names of masseuses and their phone numbers. Most will come to your house. I did not want some one to come to my house, because (a) is that a security risk? and (b) I was hoping for a little bit of that spa atmosphere...

I called Valery (va-LEH-ree) and scheduled an appointment for today. He gave me directions and told me that it would cost 70UAH for an hour...this is about $14...I wondered what exactly I was getting myself into. A $14 massage? Who was this guy? Where was this "office"?

The office was the basement floor of a building, inside a Med Tsentr (that's Russian for Medical Center). Valery met me at the entrance, he was wearing scrubs...I think this made me feel better? The setting was typical post-Soviet, very "where the real Ukrainians are" and sort of nasty...There was a group of mothers with sick young children in the waiting room...Valery lead me to the massage room which was harsh-fluorescently lit with an old rickety massage/examination table. Valery put a sheet on the floor, explaining the floor would be cold for my bear feet and gave me a few minutes to undress...The table was covered with a thin gauzy medical table covering...does that make sense...what they cover examination tables with at doctors' offices... I can only assume it was clean/sterile...

Anyway, I lay down, Valery came back and got to work. The massage was not what I would call relaxing...Sadly, the fluorescent lights remained on, Valery chatted with me most of the time (about where I was from, what kind of music I liked, if I had gotten massages before...). The whole time I was thinking how authentic this experience was and how the whole experience was actually making me feel a little tense...

After an hour of vigorous massage that seemed to be intended to promote and increase my circulation, Valery asked if I would like to finish with a stomach or head massage. I have no idea what a stomach massage would have entailed...I opted for the head massage. I must say, despite not feeling really relaxed, and the atmosphere having been less-than-spa-like, I did feel reinvigorated and my back does feel better. Valery also should me some exercises (gymnastica...) I could do to stretch and strengthen my back. Not bad for 14 bucks...I might even go back.